Beach

Today was post-call. I was about to head home when Nick paged me. A few people were heading off to the beach. I was tired, but I haven't been out in a while. The weather was unnaturally hot today, up to the mid 90's. I decided, why not, I might as well take a nap at the beach. It was a odd sensation to be driving out to the beach by myself. I heard the song, New Soul by Yael Naim. It brought some comfort upon arrival. Pacific Beach was crowded. I found the guys, sat down, and instantly fell asleep. I probably went in and out of sleep over the course of the next 2 hours. I realized that this is what people do on days off. How nice it was to lay back, relax, and not have a care in the world. I did not go into the water. Maybe next time. And hopefully I won't burn myself either.

untitled

So it's been a while since I last talked to Helen. I've been thinking about her more often now, whether I made a mistake or not. For a while, I could not envision life without her. She has done everything for me, and still tolerated all of my shortcomings. To see her walking away without looking back. I don't even remember the last words, and her looks are starting to fade. Many times I have wanted to call. My roommate Elan said that it might be something I regret many years down the road when it's too late to change. I suppose only time will tell. Meanwhile, I finally have my golden weekend. This gives me too much downtime.

emptiness

There seems to be an emptiness that has settled into life. My daily routine appears so mundane now, with no goal or purpose. There's something missing, but as of yet it's hard to admit. People say that it's because this is the hardest stretch of intern year, but I know exactly why. I need to get through this, and it will take time, and maybe it won't even work out. Not sure where we're going in these crazy days. I will expound on this later, just more food for thought.

So it's been a week since I finished my ICU rotation. Life is a bit more stable now that I'm not spending every 3 nights in the hospital. 2 more ward months, 3 more months in internship. I'm looking forward to the end of internship, although being a resident is still intimidating.

In other news, my parents and Will went back to Taiwan this past month. My dad recently came back, and my mom and brother should be arriving soon tonight. From the sounds of it, they had a great time. I just realized that it's been about one year since I was last in Taiwan. Maybe it's time to take another trip.